How To Fail Miserably At Getting Pussy
Just follow these tips and tricks to ensure you NEVER get laid, ever. No pussy for you!
1.) Have a screenname that includes the word “rape”, “blood”, “Master”, or “Violent”, while also not having a single photo. Talk about violence, cannabilism, torture, and gore: This makes us women feel safe. We know you’re a well adjusted member of society who is emotionally stable enough to understand our needs and keep us protected
2.) Send “Yo”, “Hey”, “Whats up”, “wyd”, or “I want to fuck you” as a first message: This is the type of wordsmithing that makes us SO WET. It’s so refreshing to get such a unique, well formulated first message, and we will immediately put you on the top of our “must fuck list”. Pro tip, have a photoless profile called “ConvictedRapist”. So hot.
3.) Be demanding: Women LOVE this. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve thought to myself “if only there was a pushy, demanding, aggressive man that would force me into situations I’m not comfortable with, and then gaslight me. Sigh. When will my prince come?” Points if you’ve just watched 50 Shades Of Grey, and equate “Domming” with calling a girl a bitch, making demands, and telling her to “call me right now, I’m jerking off” in your first message.
4.) Immediately ask for our address and contact info as a first message: If I know anything, it’s that we girls LOVE giving out our personal info to the most AGGRESSIVE strangers immediately upon meeting. Personally, I love the idea of hundreds of men, who I don’t know, knowing exactly where I live. What could be better? What could go wrong? How will I be killed? Stabbing? Gunshot? Strangled? It’s exciting!
5.) When we ask you to read my FAQs and Profile page, ignore us, and ask for free content instead: I mean, do I need to elaborate? WE LOVE this. Broke AND demanding? Oh Daddy…take me away:)
More advice on getting zero pussy forever below …
… continued (by the way fucking COMMENT below! I fist myself more when I get more comments).
What The Fuck
6.) Tell us girls that “real sluts” should be free and that “only fakes and bots have onlyfans”: You’re so right…God, we’re dumb aren’t we? We should spend 27 hours a day providing free pussy/sex/content/phonesex/videochats/sexting to everyone of the 100s of men who message is daily. Women are here only to serve your needs, and we’re silly to assume that we also should have an income to provide ourselves with food, shelter, internet access, etc. We are no more then sex robots, requiring only cum to operate. Beep! Boop!
7.) Tell us you’re rich and successful, while also scoffing at the prospect of supporting our needs, in any way: Nothing turns us on more then a man who has power, resource, and mobility, but refuses to provide anything for us. You live in a mansion and have 5 cars and a private jet and spend 10k a weekend on bar tabs, but the idea of buying our OnlyFans is a “waste of money”? Swoon!
8.) When and if you do get our attention, send us 10 messages in a row without letting us answer the first message. Nothing says “Dom” more then ungrounded puppy dog energy. Don’t ever restrain yourself or let us come to you. Fall all over yourself.
Lol. That should be enough to get you started on the journey of having a perpetually dry cock. And no fucking pussy.
P.S, if you’d like to be the opposite I’ve what I’ve described above, but don’t know where to start, I offer customized profile optimization and coaching services. Just, in case, you’re ready to end the dry spell and actually get some pussy for once.
Purrrr
😉
