How To NOT Get Laid part 1
A group of Fet ladies and I were recently talking about answering literally 100 thousand communications over the past few years. We noticed some shocking similarities, and patterns, that were repeating over and over again across our shared experience chatting on this site…..
What did we learn?
Some men speak in predictable codes..
So we put our heads together a have taken the liberty of translating these codes, so you can save yourself lots of time and energy:) Ready? Here we go…
1.) “Hey baby, I’m a wealthy Daddy who is ready to be SO generous!!!
I’m actually broke, will ask for “samples” and “verification photos” immediately and then call you a scam when you don’t send it. I’ll also call you a bitch, and use “lol” over 50 times over the course of 10 communications.
2.) “Hi babygirl… I’m a real DOM and am ready to use and abuse your holes. Here is my number, call me now:
I have just watched 50 Shades of Grey and drank half a bottle of fireball. My mom doesn’t know I’m using her work computer.
3.) “Oh my god I LOVE your profile and want to support you!. I’m gonna get you tickets and handbags and we’re gonna film together…..I need to get home to my computer and then I’ll be spoiling you! You will hear from me tonight! Promise!”:
You’ll never hear from me again.
More advice on not getting laid below …
… continued (by the way fucking COMMENT below! I get off on reading your shit, in fact I’m masturbating right now while I post this).
How To NOT Get Laid part 2
4.) “Are you into rope Shibari play? I would love to tie you up. I own a dungeon and have lots of experience”:
I do yo-yo tricks in a basement apartment I share with 2 other men and jerk off to Anime.
5.) “I’M a SERIOUS Master who is VERY strict, stern, and loving. I am looking for a perfect slave to fulfill my every need. You will need to follow my instructions at all times, and will be my 24/7 fuck toy. What say you?”:
I’m a virgin who has gone to over 100 Renaissance Faires.
6.) “Kristy, I am an incredibly busy man and don’t have time to email you. Numbers work better. You may text me.”
I’m unemployed but on an incredible amount of adderal.
7.) “Kristy, I feel incredibly connected to you, and feel like you need a man like me. Together we can explore the world. I have an extensive education and am also very emotionally intelligent with woman. Let’s begin this romance. Yours, truly, Garth.”:
We will have a 3 day relationship that I sabotage through my insecurity, and I will then stalk you online for 8 years.
Fuck
I kid, I kid….and seriously, I ADORE men, obviously, but I’m begging you guys, don’t over promise, or over state, or over react. Us girls like action. Show us, don’t tell us.
Kk
