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My Guide To Fetlife, Your Guide To Getting Laid

So you’ve just signed up! Welcome! I’m sure you’re mid stroke, ready to fire off a million messages, join a million groups, and generally dive right in, but take a minute to read the following guide. I promise, it will pay off.

  1. Be a Dom, not a Dud: Many men who have just joined Fetlife may have some misconceptions about what bring a Dom, or dominant in general is all about. While this is a HUGE topic of discussion, I’ll summarize. In brief, being a Dom isn’t about being aggressive, demanding, oppositional, or disrespectful. Real Doms are protectors and providers. They create safety, and put healthy communication before anything else. Real Doms are kind, patient, and clear in their expectations, without being controlling, pushy, or demanding.
  2. Think with your big head, not your little head: I know, I know, this is a SEXY place. Tits out, assholes filled, pussys pounded. It’s exciting! But, these images, stories, and videos are attached to REAL women with feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs all their own. Which brings me to point number 3…
  3. Sending that all important first message to a girl you fancy: DO be kind, funny, charming, respectful without being “simpy” and clear in your intentions. DON’T call her a slut, whore, bitch, wench , cunt or any other wildly derogatory term out of the gate. There are exceptions to this, of course. ….some women LOVE to be spoken to this way. How would you differentiate between the two? Great question ….which brings me to point number 4….
  4. READ her profile BEFORE messaging her: Yes, women can be hard to read, but reading thier profile, shouldn’t be. Trust me, in a partial information game, reading the info that IS provided, is KEY. She could literally lay out the EXACT ground rules she wants you to follow to meet her, right there on her profile! I know you’re horny, but trust me….a little homework goes a LONG way.
  5. This isn’t a candy store, and you’re not a kid: Yes, I know….all these delicious sluts on display. All these pussys spread. All these assholes gaped. And it’s Fetlife! These whores are here for your amusement! You can do, say, or act anyway you want! Right!? Wrong. Fetlife isn’t some magical world that exists outside of societal norms of communication, respect, and healty social etiquette. I know, I know….maybe you’re not good with girls and you thought this place was a brothel….but its not. We’re all adults here, and nobody owes anybody anything. Leave your expectations of ‘free sex’ and ‘obedient whores’ at the door. Yes, that is here, but just like in the real world, it’s accessed through charm, wit, success, social skills, value, and communication.

More advice on using this guide to fetlife and not sending me stupid messages below …

korrupted kristy 6 kristy kivlin 11

… continued (by the way fucking COMMENT below! I finger my own asshole more when I get more comments).

Really Read This Shit Guys

6. Have a profile pic!: This should be self explanatory, but I swear half the profiles that message me are blank. If you’re asking a person to consider meeting, playing, or getting fisted by you, they are going to want to know what you look like. CURATE your photos and profile wall: Now listen, far be it from me to tell anyone how to live their lives, but as a woman, who spends time with other desirable women, we’re all in agreement about some fundamental things. First, if you have 200 dick photos, that’s 195 too many dick photos. Second, if you have lots of pictures of killer clowns, you wearing a gas mask, holding a gun, or pictures of a confederate flag, we’re scared of you. Third, have some photos of you well groomed, in a suit, or looking sharp, as well as photos of you being sexual. Fourth, have a funny, interesting, playful, or otherwise “attractive” about me section. Draw us in. Intrigue us. Make us laugh. Make a profile that would get you hired at a professional company run by women, and I promise you, it will get you laid here.

7. Have patience, young Padawan: So you’ve sent your Fet crush a message! Awesome! Now what? Well, now you wait. Don’t send her another, and another, and another. SO many guys, who I think are totally cute, have rambling, angry, disconnected conversations with THEMSELVES in my inbox, over the course of a 48 hour period where I wasn’t online. Totally sabotaging their chances. Have patience. Remember, if she’s a pretty girl, she’s got 10000 unread messages in her inbox….and it’s gonna take a minute….which brings me to my next point…

8. Set realistic expectations: Fet isn’t a vending machine, or a buffet. It’s a collection of human beings with thier own lives, problems, joys, sorrows, and agendas. Most of us have 9 to 5s. Lots of us have partners already. Many of us may be taking a break from the fet scene, even though we have an active profile. So yes, you may REALLY want that Fet girl, and you’ve sent her the BEST opening message, attached to your BADASS profile…..but your desire isn’t her contractual obligation. Be joyfully unattached to the outcome of your Fet interactions, and you’ll be a much happier puppy.

9. “Hey” is for Horses: Unless you’re Brad Pitt, or have a reputation that proceeds you, “Hey” as a first message infuriates most people. Save yourself the scorn and come up with something more engaging.

10.Save the Dick Pics: Listen, I love cock, but we ladies get more turned on by how you make us FEEL, at least initially. Once we’re primed and hot, we’ll ASK for a cock photo…..but sending unsolicited dick pics is tacky, and will achieve the opposite of the desired effect 95% of the time. Trust momma Kristy on this. I wrote this guide to Fetlife with your ass in mind.


korrupted kristy kivlin 169

In Conclusion Your Honor

Lets leave it there for now. Hope that helps you on the beginning of your Fet journey!

Oh, and P.S….I offer personalized coaching services for men who want to step their game up, meaningfully evolve thier interactions with women on and off fet, and turn their profiles into undeniable becons of attraction. Please go here, to learn more: